The Half Blood Prince Vs The Know All Queen
by shygothgirl
Summary: The war is over and Hermione has made a remarkable achievement, and not just with the milk. What will happen when two forces collide, lots of fun a battle of wits and a good old bottle of Odgen's fire whiskey thats for sure! M for later chaps read on...
1. The calm before the storm

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs**

**The Know-all Queen**

_**The calm before the storm**_

The curse was lifted. Finally, after 43 years of death, confusion, possession, use of the Imperious curse and, on one occasion, an Inferi under the Imperious, I, Hermione Granger have held the Defence against the Dark Arts for my second year running, starting tomorrow!

I am so excited I can't sleep, even though after the fall of Voldemort just over 5 years ago, I never expected it to last anyway. Oh, who am I trying to fool? I'm always this excited before the start of the school year: 'Hmmm, I wonder what kind of students I'm going to get, I need to start planning lessons and I need to plan what to wear' until, I remind myself, 'how hard can it be to co-ordinate with five identical black teaching robes? Does it really matter what I wear underneath?"

"Winky!" I call, forcing my self to make some sort of progress, since I'm already awake at this ungodly hour. A large crack followed and a split second after that so did Winky, the house elf. Winky was abandoned a few years ago by Barty Crouch, and subsequently was taken in by Hogwarts. Although I don't like the idea of house elves, I've decided that Winky did need a home and she was (as nicely as I can put it) 'a few sandwiches short of a full picnic' if you get the drift.

"Yes, Miss." Winky bowed low.

"Winky, I was wondering, would you be able to take my clothes to the laundry room for tomorrow? Oh, and if you could send up Dobby with a few chocolate biscuits, please. Don't forget to take one for yourself, ok?" I smile.

"Oh, I couldn't, Miss," she said offended but at the same time grateful. "But Winky thanks you for thinkin' of her, Miss." Another large crack tells me Winky has left me in blissful isolation.

I glance at the clock: 5:00am. Maybe I could take a nice relaxing bath with some essential oils like nutmeg and ginger to ease my tiredness. Oh, and some lemon to make it smell all yummy. I lay back on the couch whilst contemplating the best blend of essential oils, when the walls of my room make the subtle change from lilac to a delicate shade of violet. I must say my décor is quite fantastic; if I do say so myself, I rock. My quarters in Hogwarts were decorated by me, using the word decorated lightly. I have, in fact, used magic to please the eyes of the viewer, for example, I see lilac, silver and deep purple, while Harry and Ron always saw red, gold, and yellows and so on.

I check my notice board again. Being the marvellous contraption that it is, the notice board in the living room automatically reminds me of what I need to do, then prioritises everything into numerical order. For example, top of the list is the word milk, now in large font, bright red and with little flashing lights around the edge. It has been like that for 4 days now. Every time Ginny has been round for tea and a talk about why the Gods put men on this earth, I always,_always _offer tea, ironically remember that I have once again forgotten the milk and settle for orange juice, rather than admitting to the fact that S.P.E.W. is through.

CRACK! I jump so violently at the proclamation of the house elf, I almost fall over.

"Bloody Hell, Dobby, you frightened the life right out of me!" I shout.

"Sorry, Miss Friend of Harry Potter! Dobby will be ironing his ears for that, Miss," cried the elf, smashing his head against the large stone fireplace with a dull thwacking noise.

"No, Dobby, stop, please! It was just a joke! You see? I'm fine, no need to iron any of your… (I wave my arms about whilst thinking)...extremities." The thwacking thankfully stopped. 'Ok, Hermione, deep breath and…'

"Er… thank you, Dobby, for the biscuits," I add, dismissing him, when I hear a large sound suddenly being emitted from the notice board, not unlike an air raid alarm.

"AND MAY I HAVE SOME MILK PLEASE?!" I attempt to shout over the din. Thus the second disturbing sound stopped for the night.

"Yes, Miss. Right away, Miss." Dobby said head bobbing furiously.

"Bath time," I sigh. And with the hot water running, numbers 1 and 2 are simultaneously removed from the notice board.

It's now 6:00 am and I try as gracefully as possible to step out of the bath (always slip) and walk into the living room by the fire. I take one bite out of the yummy chocolate biscuit, and then suddenly the face of Ginny Weasley pops into the flames.

"Hermione! Take your feet out of my face!" she exclaims.

"Sorry, Ginny, how've you been?" I say picking myself up after falling off the recliner chair.

"All right, I suppose. Can I come over for a while? I wanted to see how you were before the new term sets in." she asks

"Sure," I reply. "I have milk!" I say, like its some sort of bloody achievement.

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I hope you enjoyed it, please read on for more fun and games... loves and hugs x x x x 


	2. Dungeons and dummies

**I own a dog, a goldfish and really cool a pen you can write with in space****, not these characters though. Not yet anyway mwahahaha... **

**THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE**

**Vs **

**THE KNOW ALL QUEEN**

_**Dungeons and Dummies**_

"So what is it you'll be teaching the little buggers this year then Hermione?" Said Ginny, whilst sipping her tea.

"I'm not too sure I think I'll start with a boggart, counter hexes, and I think it's about time Hagrid allowed me to introduce my N.E.W.T. students to an Acromantula from the forest, now that they're all friends again." I say wondering if Grawp's sheer size had a helping hand in Hagrid's reconciliation with the remaining members of Aragog's family. I take a long drink from my cup, on which a stick figure is waving a banner, declaring: WORLD'S BEST TEACHER!! A gift from Ron.

"An Acromantula, are you sure that's wise? Could be dangerous what if it gets injured, I certainly wouldn't want to face a giant, angry, and more than likely, man eating spider, with just a bunch of students to back me up. It would be Neville and Snape all over again, only maybe a little less dangerous." she grinned.

"Hence I have asked Hagrid for help, and professor Kettleburn is coming out of retirement to help, and I'll stick a shielding spell on it as well so we shouldn't have much trouble."

"Bloody hell it's half past seven, right then," Said Ginny begrudgingly getting up out of her armchair "I'll just have to love you and leave you." She gives me a hug, throws some more floo powder into the fire and left the same way she had entered, minus the almost literal foot in mouth.

ooo000ooo

The boggart was proving more trouble for me than my students. As the bloodied lifeless forms of the people I love the most were taking shape before me, until a student thankfully stepped in. It seemed that spending all of those summers at the burrow was turning me into Molly Weasley at an alarming rate. At this pace I'd have knitted a maroon jumper for Ron, just in time for Christmas.

ooo000ooo

"So with your permission I'd like to give the N.E.W.T. students a chance to meet the acromantula only Scrin though, he wouldn't want the rest of his family being friends with the humans." I say as though throwing the students who have been entrusted into my care, in front of a giant, man eating, poisonous, beast of a spider is the best idea she's heard since sliced bread. Her seemingly ever-thinning mouth was rapidly disappearing.

"Well Hermione, I will allow it, (then upon seeing my joy added,) only because if the very real possibility of them falling out with Hagrid occurs, they should find this very useful." I turn to walk out the door, back toward the great hall for dinner when she says; "Oh and you might want to see if Severus wants some more venom, lord knows how much you have to pay on Knockturn Alley for it." Oh Gods, not Snape, not now. Shit, shit, shit! Ever since the staff party after the end of the school term, I still could not face him. Ah yes, those glorious memories when I had gotten so drunk, at the end of the night I was crooning 'Crazy' by Julio Inglasias into his shoulder, and when he pushed me away I then proceeded to declare to the entire school staff that: "We all need to accept him so he can accept himself!" I then gave him a big hug assured him that 'Everything was going to be O.K.', and made my graceful exit by tripping over Mrs. Norris. I think the worst night of my night was a tiny bit of an under statement. And it was about to have its sequel.

I remember when he was facing trial for Dumbledore's murder, Harry and Ron went as well cursing him from the gallows, not caring that the entire Wizengamot would have them removed. I sat back and listened awaiting his side of the story, my belief in the justice system was about to shock me senseless. They did the one and only thing that would save Severus Snape, ironically enough it was the same thing that they were trying to incriminate him self with. Veritiserum. The whole sorry tale had come out how; yes he had killed Dumbledore, but how he had done so under his orders, how he had been forced to go through with it, after making the unbreakable bond with Narcissa. He had thought Draco would have done it; he didn't want to kill Dumbledore because the headmaster was the first person to believe in him. A stunned silence swept the whole place. Until Scrimegour got up and decided that the penalty of the Dementor's kiss would be spared he had still performed an unforgivable curse. The punishment? Three years in Azkaban. It was, as McGonagall pointed out, the ultimate act of loyalty. So when he came out of prison he was surprised to see people ready to help him. And it was all going very nicely until that stupid party.

I'm outside of his Door, my hand is raised I go to knock and think 'No he'll expect that!' wait what am I thinking of course he will. How else is he supposed to know I want to go in? Well I don't want to go in but that's not the point. Oh stuff it. And I knock and wait.

"Come in." Says a voice from behind the door. A voice that I know belongs to Snape. I go in and find him telling one of my house students that detention was over.

"Professor Snape, why was I not informed that a student from my house had detention?" I ask, finding the black board a few inches to the left of him very interesting indeed.

"Because I left it in the hands of said student. Did I not Miss Cartwright.

A small "s" was all she could manage.

"Did you even consider the remote possibility that it wasn't her fault?" I try to meet his glare I really do but I just can't, so I do the next best thing, which also happens to be the worst thing, I look at his nose. It's huge! Well it's not that big but it's certainly larger than normal.

"Oh, really and what do you suggest happened?" but it no use I'm lost realising I'm studying the vast nasal capacity of Severus Snape. I try not to grin and obviously that instantly makes the situation even funnier.

"Tell me then, are you suggesting that someone else was instructing her to mix the potion into a highly dangerous explosive? Three hundred billion years of evolution, and still we end up with idiots like Miss Cartwright here." He sneered. She runs and I kind of splutter a giggle, not unlike a car having trouble starting.

"That wasn't funny." I say, my voice an octave higher than usual.

"Who are you trying to convince," He grins, arrogant bastard. "me, or you." I want to murder that man.

"Well obviously you, as I was just vocalising my opinion," I take a deep breath and continue "Look I only came down to see if you wanted some acromantula venom."

"Yes, I believe that will be particularly useful in my potion work." He answers.

"Well?" I ask.

"Very, why do you ask?" The grin is back in all of it's smug, smugness.

"For gods sakes if you cant even manage a simple thank you, then you can go buy your own bloody venom, though you seem to be so full it already." then ice the proverbial cake with "You larged nose git."

"Well Miss Granger if all you can do is insult me, then the gloves will come off" he spits.

"I AM NOT YOUR STUDENT ANYMORE." I shout, I compose myself. "we are on the same side." I say.

"My, my Hermione," he practically forces my name out "you are a fickle woman indeed first you accuse me of lying then you insult me then you tell me "we are on the same side" what are you trying to do," the grin is back "send me _**crazy**_?"

I slam the door on my way out.

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Thanks for keeping up with this and I hope you like it, loves and hugs x x x x 


	3. Oh what a tangled web we weave!

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs**

**The Know All Queen**

_**Oh what a tangled web we weave!**_

I storm into my quarters and slam the door "Big nosed, greasy haired, bastard!" I mimic the previous conversation with Snape. "Well?" I say asking myself in a mild manner "Very why do you ask?" I answer myself adopting a voice that would be suitable in playgrounds of nursery school children. I stalk into my bedroom to change out of my school robes, into my most comfortable pyjamas. It was just vest and shorts really the vest top read: I may not be perfect but bits of me are excellent! When I lean over you can even see exactly which bits, it is referring too. That is what I'm doing now; I reach into the bottom of my fridge and pull out a mini bottle of gilly water. As I pour myself a glass, I subsequently start rambling to myself. "Arrogant bloody git. Doesn't know when to let go. Like he's never been drunk before." I start to pour it out. "My guess is he probably just starts mumbling to him self when he thinks no-ones-" I turn around, stop mid sentence and drop my glass on the floor. After the small tinkling sound as the glass smashes, I hear Harry Potter say:

"Reparo!" My face turns red as I realize whilst I have been prattling on inanely to myself, Harry, Ron, Ginny and Neville have been sitting in my living room, and not one of them bothered to let me know that they were here. And they call themselves friends.

"So," Ron laughs, "is this a private conversation or can anyone join in?"

"Nice bum." Neville adds. My head drops a little as I ask 'why god, why?' I look up, sigh heavily and say:

"Tea anyone?"

"She's got milk." Ginny says knowingly.

"And then he says (I use that childish voice again) "What are you trying to do, drive me _**crazy**_?" I mean bloody hell it wasn't that bad!" All eyes suddenly look in any direction but mine, telling me that yes Hermione, it was that bad. "Look, I'm really glad you came I've missed you all, but can you just leave me alone for a little while. I just need to calm down a little."

"Alright, then we'll go but you'd better owl us soon." Neville warns.

"I promise," I say, holding up my hands. I get a hug from each of them and then one by one they jump in to the fire, it still looks strange, even after all this time.

I sit by the fire for a little while longer reading (angrily, if that's at all possible) 'Theoretical magic's on potential magical creatures' then give up, I give the room a once over, and satisfied that there's no one there say to my self "Bugger this, I'm going to bed." Besides tomorrows a new day and all that. 'Bollocks!' I suddenly realize tomorrow is probably going to be a feast for the giant spiders. My head hits the pillow and I remember no more.

ooo000ooo

"Merlin's beard Mr. Shacklebolt, if your father could see you now he'd," I was going to say 'be appalled' but according to Scrin, it the correct ending was apparently to be hurled into a tree at an incredible velocity. I stumble back to my feet and yell, "Don't make me take my wand out!" That was it I had said the magic words. Suddenly the air was illuminated with red stunning spells, green hexes, and white offensive spells. Why? Because I had a feeling that I'd be doing all the work, so I told them if I had to use magic then they would all receive a fail. A little harsh maybe? Not if it helps to keep the rate of fatalities down, especially as I'm a bit young to be singing with the 'choirs angelicas'.

"ACCIO VINES!" Someone shouts I swivel around to get a closer watch on whoever it is. My, my, my if it isn't Miss Vandisi. She uses the vines to bind Scrin by the feet. Clever. Then she bellows "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!" and to my absolute amazement, she turns Scrin on his back so rendering him unable to attack. Hagrid and Professor Kettleburn rush to help the humongous beast, which is no doubt thoroughly pissed off, as I move to congratulate Miss Vandisi.

"Well done, I couldn't have done it better my self." I'm surprised actually, as Vandisi is usually the kind of female student who, whatever time she spends away from applying her makeup or fixing her hair, she spends neglecting her work. Which is why I'm so impressed. I have to ask "So did you get the idea from when I told you about my encounter with the troll?" To my total confusion she laughs and says:

"Oh no Professor Granger, I just couldn't remember anything else." And with a toss of her shiny auburn hair walks away. Leaving me totally exhausted, completely gob smacked, and wondering why on earth do I even bother.

ooo000ooo

Dinnertime is here and the whole time I'm glaring at Vandisi.

"Something the matter, Hermione?" Snape says silkily adding extra silkiness to my name. I hate that man with a raw passion.

"Yes." My mouth didn't actually open, I just grinded my teeth. If I had opened my mouth then words of the uncivilised kind, may have spilled out.

"Really?" He continues. The man is emotionless. So I suppose it only makes logical sense that he's totally crap at mock emotion, especially confusion, I'm the know-it-all queen, not him. I suddenly get the image of Snape as a gay queen wearing a pink feather boa, singing to ABBA, and its totally hilarious. I stifle a giggle, but then he cuts into my daydream with:

"Only I was wondering do you normally wear dead foliage in your hair, or is today a special occasion?" I flush red and pull several twigs and various grasses from my hair. Quick Hermione, think! I swiftly scan them to see which ones they are. Lets see…meadowsweet, yarrow, oak twigs, rowan twigs, hmmm…

"Yes they're all here." I declare. And rather convincingly, I might add too. Aha! Now he's genuinely confused. But then, so am I. Words start pouring out of my mouth, words that have not yet been totally thought through. It's a bit like verbal diarrhoea. "Yes," I look Snape right in the eyes and say, "These are potion ingredients I found during an lesson outside, I need a lock of my hair anyway so I thought I might keep all the ingredients together, so to speak." And smile oh so sweetly. The little voice inside my head is dancing and singing saying 'I am the winner, I am the winner, Wahoo!' Wait he's smiling, no he's smirking, oh god, why is he doing that, WHY?

"Well then, I presume you will be needing my classroom then, will you not?" He replied smoothly, wickedly and (to the height of my annoyance) amusedly. Oh fuck. "NO!" I squeal. I collect myself and say, "No, no thank you, Severus but I will not be requiring your classroom, I have all of my ingredients here thank you."

"Whilst I'm sure you do have all of your, 'ingredients' you will no doubt need a cauldron." He states. Ah, so he did notice the slight flaw in my plan. My mouth is saying something again, so I decide I should really listen.

"I'll be down at 8 o'clock." WHAT! Why am I saying that? What, what's Snape saying now?

"8 o'clock then, I look forward to it, Hermione." And he sweeps out of the great hall.

"Oh shit!" I curse, as it echoes around a now empty hall. Right then there's only one thing for it… "WINKY!"

* * *

O.k. hope you like it and please read on for more and let me know what you think loves and hugs x x x x 


	4. Drunken Disorder

**The Half Blood Price**

**Vs**

**The Know-All Queen**

_**Drunken Disorder**_

A loud crack echoed its way around the hall, proclaiming Winky's arrival.

"Winky, can you send a bottle of whisky up to my room please?" I ask and rather sociably too, considering my current frame of mind, which was an unusual mix of sorrow, tired and ever so slightly murderous. I start making my way up to my room, as I walk past a few students who say hello; I simply hold up my hand in an 'I acknowledge you're there but I really can't be bothered' kind of way. I get to my room to find a bottle of good old Ogden's, (guaranteed to get you plastered,) fire whisky sitting on the table, along with a tumbler glass and a bucket of ice next to that. I pour my self out a Hermione sized quantity, which admittedly may be a smidge more than the standard, but I am aiming to get thoroughly pissed so it doesn't matter how quick it happens does it. I feel the hot little gulp make its way to my stomach. "Ah!" I sigh. I throw my teachers robe off and just sprawl myself on the couch. I knock another glass back and look around; the clock tells me that it's now 7:45. I pull tongues at it because it's Friday, I am 22 and I am going to get drunk anyway. Stupid rule anyway, starting the new term on a Thursday to get the first years used to the school. Another glass is drained then refilled, and I start to feel a bit flushed. I undo the collar buttons on my blouse and roll up my sleeves, giving no thought to turning off the fire next to me. Too much effort. I get off the couch, stupidly attempt to pull the creases out of my pencil skirt (a sure sign of my tipsiness,) take one last swig of whisky straight from the bottle, which I then quickly stuff into my bag, and exit the room, hitting my elbow on the door as I leave.

ooo000ooo

'I'll show him.' I think to myself as I make my way down to the dungeons 'You will undoubtedly need a cauldron.' I mimic in my head, but realise far too slowly that I am in fact, miming and moving my head as I walk. At this point I either look as tipsy as I am, or I look like I've lost my mind completely. Judging by the looks I'm getting from people, probably both. As I approach the dungeon's corridor I remember last time and think bugger the knocking stage and walk straight in.

"You're late." he states.

To which I reply with "You're an arse."

"Granger if you wish to throw insults at me I assure you I will tear your over inflated ego to shreds, and I am quite capable of reducing people of far higher intelligence than you to tears." He snarled.

"I'm sure you can, Severus," I hiss back "although most people feel like crying when then see, you much less listen to you." The anger came from no-where. Actually it's probably from the whisky, alright I don't like Snape, but I don't hate him.

"You're no oil painting yourself Granger, frizzy hair, scrawny figure most women would die off not for, and what must be a pair of fake breasts on a body so shapeless in a dire attempt to make you somewhat attractive, an attempt which most definitely has failed." He sneers. O.k., so my hair is still frizzy, even when I tie it back, it still looks like a hair explosion on the back of my head. But I'm not anorexic, nor are my breasts fake.

"Really Severus, I had no idea that you paid so much attention to my chest," No really I didn't; and for some reason I feel like saying his name is insulting him. Which actually I think it is, its putting us on the same level, as equals and he really doesn't like that. Oh good logical thought is back, must be sobering up. "But how can they be fake I mean look at them!" I'm obviously not sober enough just yet, as what's worse is I let him look. I actually unbutton my blouse and toss it on the floor. My whole chest is on display for him to see. I mean, I'm wearing a bra of course, but that's hardly helping the situation. Then I notice something, Snape is…I mean he looks…afraid. Actual fear has begun to spread across his face. And suddenly the world is a better place, all thanks to my boobs.

"Granger!" His voice is unusually high "Put your clothes back on now or I will report you to Professor McGongall!" He backs up and stumbles just a little on the desk behind him. It seems that Snape's usual ability to glide like an ice skater has vanished.

"Ok then." I say nonchalantly "if that's what you really want." I lean over to pick my blouse up, giving him full view of my chest. I start buttoning up my blouse slowly, I try to keep the laughter down, (and seeing the look that's developing on Snape's face this is no easy job,) as I do my almost reverse, strip tease. It's like a dog that's seen a juicy piece of meat, but he's not sure if it's safe or if he's allowed to eat it. He straightens himself up and asks angrily;

"For gods sake Granger are you going to make this potion, or just expose various parts of your self to me at random intervals?" I think about it, for a long time purely to annoy him. "I had no idea that it took that long to decide to make a potion, for which you have, no ingredients." The smugness is back.

"Well tempting as option 2 is, I think I'll go with option 1." I answer, to which he is clearly about to say something but I continue with "I'll make it tomorrow if that's ok with you, Severus?"

"What's the matter, has the dead undergrowth you've been wearing, fell out of your make-shift storage compartment, or have you realised that you do not belong in class rooms that far exceed your intellect?" he says silkily.

"Oh sugar, and I was wearing that just for you." I say in mock disappointment.

"Granger get of my classroom now before I make you!" He shouts.

My eyes narrow, "Fine." I walk towards the door "If that's the way you want it. I'll be back early tomorrow morning." I'm not sure if it's bravado, or just for pure hilarity, as I add "See you then, Sevvy-poo." in a tone that would make anyone physically ill, and then literally run out of the door.

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Thanks for all the reviews they really help, and I hope you all enjoy, loves and hugs to all x x x x 


	5. Oh what a night!

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs**

**The Know-All-Queen**

_Oh What a Night!_

"Sevvy-poo!" I shriek to my self back in my room. What the hell was I thinking? Not a lot apparently. I flop back down onto my couch and hear a clink noise from my bag. "Oh well," I sigh as I unscrew the top off the bottle, "start as you mean to go on." And take a good long swig, in an attempt to block out my own thought process.

My notice board was currently displaying:

'1) Get thoroughly pissed.'

'2) Get thoroughly sober.'

"Damn right!" I agree, and raise my bottle of whisky to it.

ooo000ooo

It's now 12:30am and my whisky bottle is empty. I look around the room; it's a bit scruffy and a bit warped. The warping was due to the volume of alcohol drunk, shared over the volume of food consumed. In this case, the alcohol clearly won. Or not so clear, depending on how you look at it. But I'm unsure about the scruffiness. I squint my eyes, as though making them smaller and more watery is going to help me to focus. And then I spot something, a sprig of rowan or at least I think it is. It's definitely a twig off some sort of tree anyway. I scan the room and through my severely reduced depth perception, notice something else. I scramble on the floor like a woman possessed. I have an idea.

I knock on the door. No answer. I knock louder. Still there's no answer. I call through the door, "If you don't open the door right now, I swear I'll call you by your new pet name!" Not a peep. "Fine then, SEVVY-P-" The door opens so fast, the air hisses.

"You'd better have an excellent reason for this, Granger, or I swear, the entire school will know of every mistake you've made since you were eleven," Snape growls. He looks a little bit dishevelled. Dishevelled. That's a funny word. I start giggling to myself like some sort of deranged maniac. Clearly Snape thinks I am, as he then snarls, "Well I'm waiting and though patience is a virtue, mine is rapidly wearing thin."

"I've come to do my potion now!" I say cheerfully holding out my hand full of the 'ingredients' that fell on the floor in my room. He is totally furious and slams the door in my face. After the split second of surprise, the alcohol takes over again, telling me, 'Yes Hermione, pissing of an already annoyed Snape was an excellent idea.' So I try to open the door myself, only to find that it is locked. I pull my wand out of the pocket of my skirt (which is now creased worse than a concertina,) and say boldly "_Alohomora_." Should've known Snape would use more than that to lock the door; most of the students knew it. Ah, but teachers knew ones what students didn't. "_Patefacio_." Nope. Still nothing. "SNAPE, BLOODY WELL OPEN THIS RUDDY DOOR," which I kick in a poor attempt to show that I'm some sort of crazed lunatic "OR I'LL BURN THE BUGGER DOWN!" I rant.

I actually consider using the incendio spell but I decide better of it, lean against the door and close my eyes. I slide down and I'm currently sitting in the doorway of the potions classroom, looking like a sad cross between an over-enthusiastic student, queuing for Monday's lesson to get in before everyone else and the drunk that I am. I start to amuse myself by having a one-player game of eye-spy. I decide to cheat and give myself the upper hand; I start, which leaves me to guess. I start mumbling to myself (in the case of the blissfully unaware, I do this a lot more than I'd consider normal,) "Eye spy with my little eye something beginning with…" I spot an oil-burning lantern; the fire is dancing inside "F." I sound very confident that I'm not going to guess what I'm thinking. All of a sudden the door behind me opens, and I hit my head on the floor as a world of black swirls consumes me, I'm conscious enough to hear Snape curse, "Fool."

ooo000ooo

I feel a warm fuzzy feeling inside and I like it a lot. My eyes open and see Snape and I say stupidly, "This is nice." Clearly Snape does not agree.

"I see. Next time I find you squatting on my doorway playing childish games by yourself, drunk to oblivion, and threatening arson I'll remember that indulging you to sit on the floor in the corner of my room and enervating you, you think it's nice," he replies, as sarcastic as ever.

"Why was I here again?" I ask lightly dazed.

"Because you were, and very possibly still are, intoxicated up to the eyeballs, and you insist on being the bane of my life because of the silly notion that threatening, me mauling, waking me up at ungodly hours and exposing your breasts to me is, contrary to popular belief, actually helping me." Ouch! The blinding headache of hangovers has arrived.

"Potion," I articulate and mouth the word clearly as though he's deaf. "I came to make a potion." I look around the room and see my ingredients on his desk. I stand up and walk over to them and sit myself in his chair.

"Granger, I am the Professor of this classroom. If you wish to sit down then use the students' chair," he snarls.

I pick up the plants and take a seat in the chair that I sat in when I was the student.

"Now, which potion were you supposedly going to make?" he towers over me, and suddenly I feel like I'm 14 again.

I really embarrassingly fancied him then; it was very sad and very pathetic. It wasn't his looks, for obvious reasons, but he had this presence about him; he still does. It's eerie and highly egotistical. He just exudes vast amounts of confidence, like 'I'm brilliant, and I know it'. Also because it's very rare to find a man with that much thought activity going on in the upstairs department. Everything about him is smooth, his voice, the way he glides instead of walks, and of course his hair, albeit it does look like an oil tanker had ran aground on his head. He's still the tall, dark, mysterious type, though in a few years he'll definitely be the old, grey, pensioner type, I remind my self.

"What potion?" he growls. Ah, he sounds a little annoyed.

"A hangover cure?" I say blatantly over enthusiastic. He narrows his eyes in such a way that tells me, if looks could kill I would be well and truly dead.

"Fine, the cauldrons are over there." He gestures with his hand. "Ingredients are in my store cupboard, and if there are any ingredients I do not seem fit to keep," he walks toward the door "or if you set fire to the lab, with or without intent, please do not hesitate to go find someone who gives a damn!" His voice crescendos, "I will be going back to the sleep that you dragged me out of for no fit reason!"

"You're leaving me?" I ask incredulously.

"Well done, Granger." His voice oozes mockery. "You deduced that from me walking towards the door and saying I was returning to go to sleep." Ever since receiving only an E for my potions grade in the N.E.W.T. exams, I have totally lost faith in my ability of potion making.

"Please, I need help." I ask, actually it's more like begging, as I'm so desperate. Oh no, I'm begging Snape for help. He's going to milk this one for the rest of my life. I dread his answer.

He turns his head towards me, but doesn't look at me and says simply "No. Granger, I do not call you an insufferable know-it-all for any other reason except that it is true."

I hear the echo of his footsteps down the corridor and I stare curiously at the door, thinking about what he said. I then look at my proposed ingredients sitting on the desk. Rowan, yarrow, oak, meadowsweet, a button and a dead midget type fly caught in a bit of carpet fluff and I wonder what the fuck I was thinking.

* * *

Thanks to everyone who's been reading and reviewing, means a lot. Erm... what else...oh yeah i know Snape is a little ooc and apologies for that but i swear he will not turn into the lovey-dovey Sevvie we all know and hate. love to all as always, xxx 


	6. The Wind of Change

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs**

**The Know-All Queen**

_**The wind of change**_

I wake up, which is a surprise in itself; can't even remember going to sleep. The first thing I realise is that I'm not in bed; in fact I'm not even anywhere near my little abode. I'm resting in what feels like a chair, and my arms are on what must then be a table. My eyes aren't working; shit, I'm blind! I put my hands in front of my face and I can make their blurred shapes out. Oh, thank gods, it's just dark, must be the small hours of the morning. I look for my wand and it's in my skirt pocket

"_Lumos_." I whisper.

Have no idea why I'm whispering; it's highly unlikely that there's going to be anyone else sleeping on a table in the middle, of what seems to be, a classroom. I've been here before, definitely. I see three doors, one by itself and two next to each other, but still close to the first, on the adjoining wall. "Eeny meeny miney… oh fuck this!" I'm still whispering. I push open the door by itself. "Yes!" I whoop quietly, as I enter a corridor. I look down both directions of the corridor, and to be frank, it all looks the same.

'Oh, come on!' I say to myself I turn left and start walking. I keep going until I find an arch way at the end which leads to another door. I try to turn the handle, no joy. "_Alohomora_." I say confidently. The door just stands there defiantly, silently mocking me. That's it, I can't take anymore, I woke up in a strange place, I got lost and now this, this stupid door won't even open. "Fucking twat!" I shout at the door "Why can't you just open like a normal bloody door? Argh! Open up, damn you!" I pull on the handle again and to my total astonishment it actually opens. Asking it to open was apparently the key to opening it up. I walk in and turn the lights on to see a room nicely decorated in earthy, neutral tones. With a rather tempting chocolate coloured suede sofa. And it was crying out to me. I close my eyes. 'Hermione,' it calls, 'go to sleep.' Its voice is soft and gentle and must be obeyed. After all, I remind myself, it's not every day you find a talking sofa. I lie down and my eyes slip close. Sweet, sweet rest. It's bliss.

ooo000ooo

A hand touches my shoulder; the skin's rough. I remember I fell as sleep…FUCK I'm being attacked. I punch forward and my fist makes contact with someone's nose. Whilst my would be-attacker is holding his face in pain, I scramble into one corner of the couch, grab my wand and shout, "Back off, I've got some serious magic here!" My attacker pulls his head out of his hands. The first thing I notice is that his nose is bleeding, and I feel a wave of pride wash over me. Then I realise, I know that nose; it's larger than normal and it's hooked. Oh bugger. Snape's look is one of pure rage.

"Out," he says with total hate.

"Wait! I can help, I promise," I plead. "Here." I swoop down on him and I'm now face to face with a furious Snape, as I try to pull a hankie out of my pocket faster than the speed of light, which is not possible, I tell my self since I have mass and things that travel that fast, don't have mass. I start attentively dabbing at Snape's bloodied nose. I lean forward and my hand rests on his knee. Snape pushes me away, and I'm left kneeling on the floor feeling really guilty.

"What were you even doing here Granger?" He snarls.

I talk to the carpeted floor. "Well I woke up in the classroom, and I got out into the corridor and I guess I was a bit dazed and I turned the wrong way, then I found this room; I got really angry at the door because it wouldn't open, so I started shouting stuff at it, then I said "open up!" and it did, and then, I mean your couch, it looked so comfy…" my voice gets quieter and quieter.

"These are my private chambers, Granger, it is not some refuge for waifs and strays. How dare you enter uninvited?" he says with quiet anger. "How dare you?"

"I'm really sorry." He still looks angry, and I suppose he's right. It's his personal space and I invaded it. "I'll go now." I pick my bag up and I hear a dull clunking sound. I open my bag and pull out the jar of acromantula venom. "Here," I say, placing it on a coffee table nearby with a small thud. "It's the venom."

He walks over still holding his nose. His free hand picks the brown jar up and examines the silvery liquid inside. He holds it up to the light.

"It's been purified and preserved well," he observes. I just nod. "Well then, I see you haven't crossed the border into being completely useless," he says, now looking inside the container of venom.

"Has the bleeding stopped?" I ask with just a hint of fear, from his reaction.

"Yes," he replies with a tone that clearly says 'with no thanks to you'. I point my wand at him and a quick burst of pale blue light comes out and settles on his face.

"A healing charm?" he raises an eyebrow "But the bleeding has stopped."

"That was for the black eye," I answer gently hoping he wouldn't notice.

"You gave me a black eye?" he shouts. "For gods' sake, why did you do that?"

"I thought you were going to attack me!" I say pleading, but a little angrily.

"Why would an attacker ever be so polite as to lightly touch your shoulder and gently shake you, in an attempt to wake you up?"

"I was asleep," I reply disbelievingly. "It wasn't like I could just say 'oh excuse me are you going to assault me?' It's absurd." I try to calm down. "Look, I don't want to argue with you."

"Really? Well, you could have fooled me."

"Let's just leave the past where it belongs please, Severus." As though saying his name is going to show him I'm a woman now.

"It'll be a long time before I forget the amount of times you have humiliated me," he answers smoothly.

I sigh heavily and I admit I feel a little dejected. I reach into my bag and hand him a silver envelope inscribed 'Severus' and a small parcel wrapped in black paper.

"Happy birthday," I say, handing over the present that had been residing in my bag until I felt brave enough to hand it over.

"You remembered," he states.

"Well," I urge softly, "open them up."

He opens the card which has a picture of a of an excited Einstein look-alike standing over a glowing cauldron and at the bottom in big letters reads 'EUREAKA! I remembered your birthday!'

"It's…nice," he says in a tone that clearly says he hates it, but he's grateful.

"Well, open your present." I smile.

He does and pulls out a box and opens it. He seems rather surprised.

"Is this…" he holds this up to the light as well.

"Yes." I smile and blush a little; bloody blushing, so annoying.

"A sapphire vial. How on earth did you afford this?" he stares at me as though the answer is written on my forehead in really small letters.

"I got a bonus when everyone in all of my classes received a pass or higher last year." Ah yes, one of my proudest moments. That earned me my mug from Ron, and for that reason part of me wishes one student would've failed.

"I don't know what to say," he says coyly.

"Yes you do, you just have trouble saying it."

He studies the vial again, the light reflecting off its many facets beautifully.

"You're welcome," I say, and then out of tradition I lean to give him a small kiss on the cheek, but he stops looking at the glass and as he moves, I accidentally catch his lips. They're soft, softer than I'd have guessed. My eyes involuntarily close and I move a little closer. This is nice, I think to myself, really nice. His hands lightly rest on my hips and the gravity of the situation dawns on me. I'm kissing Snape!

* * *

Thanks to everyone, your comments really helped! I hope you like this chapter as much as the others, I'm trusting you to tell me if you don't, loves and hugs to everyone x x x x 


	7. Kiss and Don't Tell

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs**

**The Know-All Queen**

_**Kiss and Don't Tell**_

I stumble backwards. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry! I- that wasn't meant to- I didn't mean- I'm _**really**_ sorry." Still backing up, I fall back on to the couch I had previously been asleep on. Why or maybe a better question is how did this get so for into the realms of surrealism? If I had woken up this morning - I glance at the clock and correct myself - yesterday morning and someone had told me that I would be playing tonsil tennis with Severus Snape, I would have had them carted off to St. Mungo's psychiatric ward. Snape is straightening his robes and looking his usual sombre self, if he could exclude the pink tinge on his cheek. Daylight breaks through the curtains in his window.

"Well," he replies. "I'm very grateful for the card and the present, Gran-," he corrects himself, "Hermione, but I do think that it's time to start getting ready for the coming day. So if you don't mind, I expect I shall see you at breakfast." He gestures toward the door. I suppose that showing his emotion in such an open manner like that was very unlike him, and in the politest way possible he was now saying 'this is a very awkward situation, so if you don't mind, can you please just piss off?'

"Right!" I say a little too brightly. "Well, Happy Birthday then, Severus." Calling each other by our surnames and pretending that nothing happened is preferable, but unfortunately completely unachievable. I move to shake hands, however after the brief encounter of an intimate kind, it seems too formal. A kiss then? No way, not after that last debacle. I settle on a hug; whilst he is as admittedly as cuddly as the Whomping Willow, it seems like the best thing to do. I give him a small hug with my head resting on his shoulder and notice his smell. It's clean. Not like anything really, just clean; it's quite unnatural. Very possibly through fear, he remains as rigid as a plank of wood and as my chin balances on his shoulder, he politely pats me on mine. "Good bye." I say and calmly walk out of his living room. I slowly close the door behind me and sprint to my chambers, at a pace that would shame an Olympian.

ooo000ooo

The door shuts behind me and for what feels like the hundredth time tonight, I once again look up at the clock; it's four in the morning. In the space of three and a half hours, I have totally ruined every conceivable chance of having a normal teaching year. I kissed him; I can't believe I kissed him. I'm stupid on a whole new level. Well I'm not stupid but it was certainly not the best way to start the school year. Giving up on everything except my friends, my family and my fire-whiskey, I decide to sleep now and think later.

ooo000ooo

The alarm wakes me up far too soon for my liking. I stumble out of bed, tie back my hair (which scarily now resembles Hagrid's so much so that I look like his long lost cousin,) and throw my robes on over my pyjamas; no one sees what's underneath them anyway. As I make my way down to the Great Hall I pass a few students who are whispering and pointing at me, wishing I had extendable ears right now. I can only presume that these are the very same students who saw me last night on my way to the dungeons miming to myself. My cheeks tinge pink and I hurry towards the Hall and take up the usual position at the end of the table. An awkward cough to my left tells me that Snape is sitting next to me.

"Morning," he says without even looking at me.

"Yes," I reply not looking at him either. "I've noticed." My usual breakfast of corn flakes and a glass of orange juice appears on the table before me, and I see Snape's lonesome black coffee has also arrived. Breakfast passes without much ado, but the uneasy tension in the air between us is so thick you could cut it with a knife. As I get out of my chair to leave so does Snape.

"I was going to say that if you move any slower you would be going backwards, but I suppose even that requires a greater velocity than you are currently travelling at," he growls at me. I purposely start to walk slower, just to annoy him. He swiftly moves to the side to over take me, and mutters, "So you think as quickly as you walk. I pity your students." Oh really Severus is that what you think? Well then, we shall see what my students make of you then.

"Actually, Severus," I say oh-so-sweetly. "I was wondering, could you stand in on one of my classes?" He stops dead in his tracks and his head whizzes round, not unlike a scene from the exorcist. He looks slightly homicidal and I almost have second thoughts about what I'm about to ask him. "It's for the N.E.W.T. students. I thought that as you had personal experience with Lor-," I stop myself from saying Voldemort's name. After killing Dumbledore, Snape had gouged the dark mark out of his forearm in Azkaban - "with the dark arts you would be the best person to ask, and maybe we could give them a demonstration duel?" I add to try to pique his interest.

"No," he says flatly

"Please?"

"I said no." Don't think you're out of this just yet Severus, I have other ways and means; I sigh loudly, heavily and very deliberately.

"Well, I suppose I could ask Ron to do it instead then." Walking past him to the corridor, I know I won't wait long for him to retaliate. That's Snape's problem; he simply cannot help himself, he always has the last word.

"Weasley?" he asks in amazement, "If you dislike your students that much, give them detention. I'm sure there will be no need to blow them to pieces with one of Weasley's spells." And there it is, the reply I knew I would get. Mentally I pat myself on the back.

"That was uncalled for; if you won't do it then I need to find someone who I can trust to perform a duel in the correct manner." I do trust Ron but after a furious row whilst we were still in a relationship, he accused me of having an affair with Viktor Krum after he discovered that we still contacted each other on a regular basis; we broke up and remained friends (well, most of the time anyway). "You duelled with Lockheart, didn't you? Do you think that I may prove to be more of a challenge then? Or maybe you think that you will be humiliated by me again. Is that why you won't duel me?" Oh gods, I just had to bring that up, didn't I? When Harry and Ron and I disarmed him a little too vigorously in the Shrieking Shack, knocking him out cold. That's it, Hermione, open your mouth a little wider, then you can fit both feet in.

"Here, 7:30," he spits and stalks away. I didn't want him to get riled up about it. Why couldn't he just agree? _Probably because if you get everything you want, life still wouldn't be perfect_, I chide myself.

ooo000ooo

"O.K. class, that's more or less it for our Saruday supplementary lesson. There will also be an extra study option tonight for those who would like to attend. Professor Snape and I will be performing a demonstration duel at 7:30 in the Great Hall. You are dismissed," I say, but there is none of the usual rustle of chairs and shuffling of feet. In fact, there is little noise at all. I look up from my desk an every single student is looking at me. I raise an eyebrow in question. "Are there any questions?" I ask knowing that I'm going to be besieged with the students' interrogation. I can see about ten people with raised hands, others waiting to see if their questions will be asked.

"The Potions Professor?" asks Vandisi. This is the reason why I was so surprised when she managed to out do Scrin, the new leader of the acromantula.

"Yes, the Potions Professor, Miss Vandisi. How many other Professors by the name of Snape do you know?" I reply testily.

"A demonstration duel? Will we be allowed to take part, Professor?" another student questions me.

"No you will not be taking part with me or Professor Snape, Mr. Alraque. You will be pairing off between yourselves and duelling with each other." I sigh. "I will see the rest of you at 7:30 in the Great Hall. Thank you." And I usher them out the door. This may be another idea I can put down on my ever growing list of 'Not to be done ever again, even if your life depends on it, it's such a bad idea'.


	8. Collision Theory

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs.**

**The Know-All Queen**

_**Collision Theory**_

I'm in my room and preparing for the duel, which I think I've already established is an occasion where life comes back to bite you in the arse. I pull yet another black robe over my duelling outfit, trying and failing to hide the awful crimson padded vest, which feels like an ironing board that has been placed across my body. My breasts now have such a lift I'm actually afraid they're going to take my eye out, and I now have all the curves of a perfect rectangle; albeit a perfect rectangle that can't bare to breathe without stifling a wince. As I put my wand in my pocket I have an idea, and I must say it's a damn sight better than the last one.

ooo000ooo

Walking rapidly towards the Great Hall I have the sneaking suspicion, that I may actually win this. I enter the Hall and I see that Minerva has already set up the duelling stage and my students are already gathered around it. I walk past them and step on to the platform and raise my arms to get their attention.

"Quiet, please!" I call, which miraculously has the desired affect. They look at me expectantly and I start to speak like I did when we formed the D.A. "O.K., glad to see that so many of you turned up. Professor Snape and I will be using non verbal spells. So I would like you at the end to tell us which spells we each used. You will then duel each other, again using non verbal spells. You will be marked on speed, skill and quick thinking. Now then," I look around the Hall to see where my snarling assistant is. "Ah, there he is. Right then, everyone, quills out, pair off and we will begin shortly." A coughing Snape stands along side me. "Professor Snape, would you like to say something?" I ask politely, already knowing full well that he does.

"How many of you have had previous wizard duelling experience?" he questions them like they are some sort of prisoners. Despite this, three brave students raise their hands. "I see your Defence against the Dark Arts classes are somewhat _lacking,_ if you are not permitted to practise defending yourself." He gives me a sideways sneer. But I actually don't care; I _will_ win and then we'll see who's 'lacking'. "The first thing to do in a wizards duel is to bow to your opponent, this is common courtesy. You will then each turn to face your opponent, hold your wand in confrontational position and then the duel will begin. Professor Granger?" he says, in a tone of voice that wouldn't lull you in to a false sense of security, even if you were deaf. He gestures for me to face him in the middle of the platform. We face each other and I bow. Snape gives an almost nod.

"_When_ I win, you will replace the boomslang skin, lace wing flies and I do believe, you also took some powdered horn of a bicorn," he mutters.

"Fine, but when _I_ win, you have to thank me for the potion items that I gave to you." I grin behind my wand.

We face each other and begin. He tries to hit me with a stunning spell; he's quick, but I'm quicker. I just dodge the red flash and try a body bind. But it's a complete non starter; well I suppose a former Death Eater would have a slight advantage. He's about to strike again, but I think I remember this from the duelling club when I was in my second year. This was the opportunity I was waiting for; he needs to raise his wand and…my _Expelliarmus_ has worked! Now if I can just…_ACCIO__WAND_! I shout mentally. Snape's wand whizzes towards me and I hold it in the air like it's the Union flag. I smile broadly, until I realise Snape is mentally murdering me slowly and painfully. Time to move swiftly on then, I see.

"O.k. then, class, what can you conclude from that demonstration?" I look around waiting for something along the lines of: 'non-verbal spells makes it harder for your opponents to guess what you're doing', or 'sometimes the simplest magic is the most effective'.

Instead I receive an enthusiastic cry of "That was awesome, Professor Granger!"

"Thank you, Mister Alraque, but I hardly-" I try to say, attempting to turn this back to somewhere along the lines of education.

"Way to beat Snape!" Someone else shouts, hidden behind the others.

"Professor Snape," I correct them, "and it was only a demonstration." This isn't working exactly as planned. Of course actually planning it would have helped, but still a little support would be nice.

"Yes," Severus apparently agrees. He's decided it's his turn then, I suppose. "This is what we arranged to do, was it not, Professor Granger?" He tries to smile at me meaningfully, but woefully fails and ends up bearing his teeth, like a great white that's just spotted a bare bottom in the water.

"Yes, yes, that's what we did." I'm quite sure that the students believe it as much as I do, however the lesson must go on. After a few students focus long enough to identify the spells that were used, it's time for the students to practise. I walk over to Maria Vandisi and her partner Victoria Francis. "Miss Francis, can you join me for a moment?" She walks towards me brushing her hair from her eyes. With a slightly confused but open face she stands in front of me and asks respectfully, "Yes, Professor?"

"Here," I say, then mutter an impervious charm on her face, the bare part of her arms and her neck "just to be safe."

"Thanks, Professor." She grins and jogs back to Maria.

"What was that all about then, _Hermione_? Surely you don't teach them how to cheat, do you? I admit they do look rather dim witted. However, if you feel the need to stop wasting their time then maybe we should just make them leave; then we can all get back to doing something remotely productive," snaps Severus, who has managed to creep up behind me, without making any noise at all. I swear that man floats across the floor, atop all the students' spirits he's crushed, bearing a remarkable similarity to Hades. However I must say it's miraculous how he manages to sound arrogantly intelligent, terrifyingly sinister and irritatingly sexy all at the same time.

"No, I was not actually. I was merely ensuring the safety of my students. Miss Vandisi is a student who - how do I put this politely?" I pause briefly to try to say that she's as dim as a candle lacking it's wick, without sounding too cruel " - whilst most students drink deeply at the fountain of knowledge, Maria Vandisi prefers to rinse and spit."

"Oh but I think you did cheat, Hermione." There it is again, that annoyingly suave voice chilling my spine. Gods this is bloody ridiculous I'm 23 not 13.[I thought she said she was 22? To make things worse he has put his hand on my shoulder, and my weekend escapade has regurgitated feelings that shouldn't have been there in the first place. "How else could you have beaten me in a duel? It is only logical that you should lose," he declares.

"Careful, Severus. Don't inflate your ego too much; we have doors to go through later," I say all too seriously.

"You will meet me at 10 o'clock and repeat this duel, only this time you will not cheat," he snarls. "Besides what do you have to lose? An experiment is only proven correct if the results can be repeated." Twat, he always has to find a reason. I could always say no, but beating him a second time is rather tempting. After all he still owes me a thank you for winning this time.

"All right then," I say as we begin walking slowly back towards the students. "But you'd better be prepared to up the stakes a little." I'll show him. I didn't get the job as Defence against the Dark Arts Professor for nothing. I sit at the table for dinner with a smile, as I picture myself casting _Scourgify_ on his hair.

* * *

Just to say sorry I took so long, thanks for waiting and hope you like it! I know my chapters are a little bit short but that's where I feel they finish. Anyway I ramble on again, hoping you enjoyed it and love as always x x x 


	9. The Battle Within The Battle

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs.**

**The Know-All Queen**

The Battle Within The Battle

"Bloody stupid! This whole thing is bloody ridiculous!" I storm about my room with the grace of a partially sedated hippo. It's 9:05 and in an hour I will be in an all out duel with Severus, and to be quite honest I can't take it anymore. I go to the urn on top of my fireplace, get a handful of floo powder and throw it in.

ooo000ooo

"Hermione?!"

"Hi Ginny." I sigh. Ginny has a house with Harry, it's nice and homely and there are pictures of everyone we know on the wall, including me. In all of mine I'm trying to hide behind someone. I never did like getting my picture taken. I flop down onto the couch and Harry walks in holding a tray with three glasses of butter beer.

"Have you suddenly developed psychic powers or something?" I ask inquisitively, he simply smiles and hands me my glass "So, how did you know I was here?"

"You're right; Trelawney was wrong, I'm the worlds most powerful seer since Cassandra Trelawney herself." He nods solemnly, and I look at him totally unconvinced and take a mouthful of butter beer.

"Well I am." He says defiantly "But Ginny shouting 'Hermione!' helped a bit." Ginny laughs loudly, coming here always cheers me up.

"Well, I need to have a word with Ginny in private please." I try to look apologetic, but the fact of the matter is I need to speak to her and I don't have an awful lot of time.

"Yeah, unless you want to talk about hair, make-up and men!" Ginny grins and nudges my arm.

"Well, I always did take a liking to old Snapey..." he looks up thoughtfully. Ginny giggles and I glower at him as though psychically and he starts to retreat.

"I'm going, I'm going." He holds his hands up in acceptance and walks upstairs.

"He really makes me laugh sometimes," she chuckles to herself "but you know at the same time it is a bit revolting. I mean Snape! Come on, you'd have to be disturbed to find him even slightly attractive." She snorts. I drag a hand over my face. Remind me again why I came here to help myself feel better. But she's not done yet "It just turns my stomach to think of Snape and his greasy hair, his arrogance, his snide comments, his-"

"It was just one kiss alright! One! It didn't even last that long _and_ it didn't lead anywhere." I shout. Well I had to tell her and she wouldn't bloody shut up. I have just over half an hour and I need to get this sorted. And now she's staring at me like I've sprouted an extra head. Well done Hermione.

"H-how? …When?…How?!" Ginny stammers.

"Last night, well this morning really." I begin to stride around the room "I gave him his birthday present, I only went to give him a kiss on the cheek! But he moved and then we were kissing and it was really nice, but then that only made it weirder. I apologised, he recommended I leave, I strongly agreed and now, to make things worse I think I fancy him again." I breath I finally got it of my chest, thankfully.

"Wait, you think you fancy him _again_? As in you've actually fancied him before?" she exclaims. One word crosses my mind. 'Oops.'

"I was 14 and it was only for a few months, but that's not important right now. I've managed to get my self alone with him, in a duel, in his room!" I gasp for breath.

"Well I hope you'll be taking a contraceptive." She shrugs.

"No, absolutely not no way!" I shriek.

"Well don't blame me if you get pregnant." She wags her finger in an almost motherly manner.

"I will not be getting pregnant because I will not be having sex with Severus." Attempting to reinforce what I was trying to say earlier. The words 'Severus', 'sex' and 'I' in the same sentence seem to conjure indecent images into my head and emblazon them across the backs of my eyelids in one long continuous loop. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start drooling until Ginny snaps me out of my little bubble.

"Since when did he become Severus?" she asks.

"Ginny I have less than 10 minutes before I am due to meet him so unless you have some useful advice, I'm going to throw myself off the astronomy tower." I point upwards as though the astronomy tower is right next to us and she can see exactly how tall it is.

"And what am I, some sort of flaming oracle? Either you go, take some contraception and prepare for the worst (or best depending on how you look at it), or don't go and make up some plausible excuse of why you can't be there."

"That's your advice?" I ask incredulously "There's nothing else you want to say?"

"Maybe just one more thing," Ginny grins wickedly. The clock begins to chime in the background. She just crosses her arms and says simply "It's 10 o'clock."

ooo000ooo

I'm back in my room and I'm trying and failing to find reasons not to go. I want to go, I want to see him to hear his smooth voice, to stand in his presence. And that is precisely why I don't want to go. It's getting far too weird for my liking. I can't go, I just can't. Wait…THAT'S IT!

"Winky!" I cry.

CRACK! "Yes Miss?" she bows

"I need you to deliver an urgent message for me please." I say rather hurriedly "I need you to tell Severus that I can not attend tonight's meeting and that I will see him tomorrow at breakfast as per usual. If he asks why, tell him I am unwell, that I have a migraine or something else that would keep me from other wise attending. Do you understand?" I ask her. It is deathly important to me that she gets this right.

"Yes Miss!" She always gets far too excited about running a general errand she was like that when I took her in from the kitchens, she felt useless and needed someone to take care of. I felt so sorry for her I asked her to be my house elf. It seemed like a good idea to me.

"Thank you Winky. Now be quick!" I smile and breathe a huge sigh of relief. But I'm not quite finished with my master plan yet. I know Snape, he wont just let me off that easily. He'll come up and check on me I know he will. I change into my pyjamas that is yet another vest top and shorts, this top is cut quite low and reads 'YES THEY'RE REAL!' I laugh at the irony, race into bed and pull the covers right up to my chin. "Nox!" I whisper. There is loud noise on the other side of the door, which in turn is followed by a gentle knock. "Yes?" I try to sound as ill as possible, it's him I know it is.

"Begging your pardon miss, but Professor Snape is here to see you." She says in a timid voice.

"May we come in Hermione?" Snape's intrigued but pissed off tone emerges from behind the door.

**Cough** "Yes." Why the fuck did I cough? I have a migraine, just because I'm ill does not mean I need to cough. Too late I've done it now. Winky looks terrified of him, but then so am I, "Winky you can go now, if you want to." I look at her to try and convey the fact that on no account, is she to leave me alone with him.

"Thank you Miss! Call Winky again if you is needing her." And she leaves, with relief oozing out of every pore in her body. Lucky git. I pull my blankets over my mouth as though I'm somehow going to infect him with a headache.

"Now then," Severus starts to speak in a nonchalant manner, which is never a good sign "I hear from your devoted house elf that, in her exact words, you 'have a migraine or something else that would keep you from attending tonight', is that correct?" I begin silently cursing under my sheets with such obscenities, that most modern rap artists would be offended. I nod as I can't bring myself to speak properly.

"I see." He says clearly unconvinced. "I have taken the liberty of acquiring a potion from Madam Pomfrey, who assures me it will remedy any minor illness you could possibly _imagine_." He gives me a snide grin as he leans a little closer, and I begin to remember the indecent images from before. I start to feel quite warm and I know I'm blushing from the smirk on his face. "I'll get you a glass then." Another terrified glance from me and he leaves the room.

"I'll get you a glass then." I mimic childishly. Just turning up and getting it over with is definitely beginning to sound like a better idea. Severus has re-entered the room. He places the tray with the potion vial and a glass on it, onto my bedside table. It's the sapphire vial I gave to him.

"May I remove my coat?" he asks. I nod, to be frank I'm in such a position now where as, we are alone in a bed room, I'm quite attracted to him (which is utterly mystifying me to the point of insanity) and I'm flattered that he is using the present I bought for him, so the longer he stays the more chance we have of repeating the birthday incident. Which even in my mind makes me sound like some bored sexless housewife, well I haven't had a lot of sex. In fact I haven't had any, but that is not the point. I pour my self a glass a down it in one gulp. Tastes disgusting. He places his coat over the back of the chair. "So how does it taste?" he asks with back of his head facing me.

"Disgusting." I answer truthfully.

"Well you will feel better shortly I'm sure." He turns back towards me. "Do you mind if I stay to make sure of it?" This is unusual of Severus, normally he hates wasting his time, a big flashing neon warning sign pops up in my head, he's up to something. I just need to find out what.

"No I don't mind at all." No way do I mind stay as long as you like, I think to myself.

"Good," Says Severus, he leans in a little and his hand rests over the blanket that covers my thigh. Oh my, is it getting warmer or is it just me. I think it's just me, best not ask as I might end up saying something else I regret.

"Severus, that's my leg you're leaning on." I try to sound normal or ill or both, but instead all I manage this high pitched squeak, which I'm quite sure only dogs can hear.

"I didn't realise, my apologies." He says in a tone that plainly says he isn't in the slightest bit sorry. He leans back into his chair, in a classic superior teacher pose. "So what was the real reason you didn't turn up tonight then?" his eyes glint. O.K. Hermione time to lie like you've never lied before, just stick to the plan it'll be ok.

"Because I think I fancy you, and I don't trust myself to be alone with you in case I do something stupid, again." Wow Hermione, you definitely haven't lied like that before. He suddenly looks stunned then amused. Whilst my features are lock into a look of total horror he begins to smirk. Damn him and his sexy smirking. But I can't believe I said that I don't know why I did, I almost felt compelled…

"VERITASERUM?" I shout "YOU SPIKED MY DRINK WITH VERITASERUM?!"

"Well you cheated in our previous duel, and as I recall you do have the nasty habit of lying to your professors." He says sounding the most like a teacher since I have known him. Pity its only sarcasm.

"YOU'RE NOT MY PROFESSOR ANYMORE!" I roar.

"No," he replies "but I am still _A_ professor. Maybe that's why you want me, although I must say, you don't strike me as the type of woman who prefers the kinkier side of life. Do you enjoy kinky sex?"

"I don't know, I haven't had any." My hand flies to my mouth but it's too late. The words have already come out

"Really?" he drawls "I'd never had guessed. Why is that, do you think?"

"Because I'm too ugly and too studious for anyone to think of me in a sexual manner." This is getting utterly out of control. I start to move across my bed to the other side, trying to get a respectable distance between us. "Stop asking me questions!" I plead.

"Why should I?" he asks. He sits himself on the other side of the bed but doesn't come any closer.

"Because it's very unfair, I don't want you to _and,_ it makes you less attractive every time you do it." I rant.

"I'll ask you five more, then I'll stop I promise." And I actually think he means it. It still doesn't make it right, but I suppose anyone can do just five more of anything.

"I still think you're an arrogant bastard." I quip.

"I would give points for originality, but I'm afraid that unfortunately that line has been said before." he retaliates.

"Great minds think alike." I smile smugly.

"Yes they do." He agrees "And you have always been truly a unique thinker."

"Well at least when I follow the crowd, they don't run away screaming." My god I'm doing well today.

"You can hardly call chasing after a man 20 years your senior 'following the crowd'." Now he looks smug.

"Just because I think I fancy you, and I flashed you my bra does not necessarily mean that I am chasing after you."

"So, you think you 'fancy' me do you?"

"Yes." I hiss. I can't believe the nerve of him. Usually I am opposed to fighting of any kind however, there comes a time in ones life when one can simply take no greater pleasure than to take a large piece of wood, and beat the other into a bloody pulp. My time has arrived with great aplomb.

"Are you quite sure about this?" he leans in until we're almost nose to nose. I feel my heart enter a galloping speed.

"Yes." I breathe.

"What did you think when we kissed?" He looks into my eyes and I can feel them boring through the back of my skull.

"It was nice, nicer than I would have expected I wanted to carry on; but then I thought that it was inappropriate so I decided to stop." I mumble.

"Do you want to kiss me now?" I can feel his lips as he's talking. He's enjoying this the damn, sexy, arrogant bastard. But the Veritaserum still has taken hold of me.

"Yes." But with every bone in my body I refuse to kiss him until he takes me seriously. But still he goads me further; as he begins to nuzzle at my neck. Oh my word, that feels seriously good.

"Why is it you like me so much?" he says the sound vibrations are resonating through into my skin.

"Not…sure." I pant as though I'm running a marathon "I just…just do. But you…need to…to wash your hair." Oh god I didn't mean to say that but the Veritaserum is in full swing. He momentarily pauses and comes back up close to my face.

"Kiss me and I'll do it." I'm like some rabid sex starved animal and I pounce on him and kiss him with such force he falls on the bed just a little. I come up for air and he looks at me quite surprised, and then amused he regains his usual composure but doesn't move back. He shifts his arm a little.

"Severus," I'm squeaking again "your hand." He starts nuzzling my neck again and makes an 'mmmm' noise which rumbles its way through my central nervous system "it's-it's on my breast."

"Yes it is." He mumbles.

"Oh."

* * *

Thanks to everyone who has been keeping up with this story, this chapter is a lot longer than my usual so I hope I don't bore you! please leave a review and tell me what you think, and a very big special thanks to my Beta, Natasha, she's fantastically patient for taking the time to go through this. Love to all as always, x x x 


	10. Beauty Is In The Mind Of The Beholder

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs.**

**The Know-All Queen**

_**The beauty is in the mind of the beholder**_

Oh my word I feel like I'm drowning in the best way possible. His mouth is on my neck; one hand is on my left breast and BLOODY HELL! Where does his other hand think it's going, well where ever it plans to end up it certainly isn't going to get there.

"Ah...erm…Severus?" I squirm, half-heartedly trying to move out of the way.

"Mmmm" is his reply.

"Can you…stop for a minute…please?" I seriously need him to get off me "ARGH! I cry, as his other hand reaches it destination. And I pull him off me as though he is attached with Velcro.

"All you needed to say was stop." He smooths his clothes as he takes his seat at the end of the bed. And I can tell he doesn't take rejection well. This is good, because I'm not rejecting him.

"I did." Is my reaction.

"I didn't think you meant it." He puts me under his glare, which makes me sure he's trying to psycho-analyse me.

"I just needed to talk to you for a second." I say swerving around his previous comment.

"I am intrigued to discover what could be so important as to distract us from our 'prior engagement'." Severus pursues.

"Well, I told you that I…think I'm attracted to you," suddenly the corner of my lilac duvet is captivating my attention.

"Yes you did, albeit quite forcibly." He muses.

"I know," I seethe "however, after this 'confession'" I use my fingers to add in the quotation marks "you didn't tell me how you felt. About me." I add, just so he doesn't reply with something sarcastic like 'I'm fine' or, 'quite well'.

"I thought that over the course of this evening I had made it quite apparent, especially to a woman of your intellect." Why can he never just say what he means? He has to take his time about it and really drag it out.

"I can guess, however there are times when a person needs to be told where they stand, now is one of those times." I tell him sounding much too formal.

"Your not." he states simply, and I must admit, I am slightly confused. "You are currently sitting, at one end of your bed." Why? Why does he always have to be so bloody complicated?

"Severus," I can't bare to look at him until he answers me "I need you to tell me why you forced me to tell you why I like you, why you then kissed me, and damned well almost took it too far!"

"This sounds like my cue to leave." he stands up and walks towards the door.

"Oh no you don't!" And I lock the door after pulling my wand from inside of my top, a little tacky maybe, but useful none the less "One more step towards the door and that lock will receive a permanent sticking charm." He glances sceptically at the door for a minute.

"You're lying." he states simply. I have been tricked, forced to admit something I wasn't ready to admit, insulted, kissed and fondled. I am **not** about to be underestimated.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" I shout. He begins to look up and down at me, making a mental list of my appearance. A small tattoo on my ankle of a butterfly (from when I went through my 'I'm rebelling and I don't care that you don't care, that I'm rebelling' stage), the mini red hot pants of my nightwear (which I'm trying to pull down), the white vest top which reads 'yes they're real!', my face which must now be as red as my hot pants, and my hair which I'm quite sure is now so wild, if I stood still long enough, birds would begin to nest there.

"No." he says plainly. And I wait. I don't have to wait long until the smirk I'm so used to seeing him with, begins to tug at the corners of his mouth.

"You think this is funny? For fuck's sake Severus, all you had to do was give me a straight answer, but you can't even manage that!" I gasp exasperated. Looking at him square in the eye, which is something I haven't done since I punched him, I apologize. "In which case Severus I ask that you forgive me." He looks slightly quizzical and even more wary. And rightly so, as I perform a full body bind on him, apparently just quick enough as his wand drops from his stiffly outstretched hand. "I know you don't believe me, but I am very sorry." standing over him I mutter "Levicorpus." and I float him on to the bed. His semi frozen face is now forming a half expression of humour, excitement and slight panic. I sigh heavily, put my hand on his cheek and point my wand at him once more. "Legilimens." Immediately I begin to wish that I hadn't. I see my self taking off my blouse in his dungeon, me smiling with leaves and twigs in my hair, a student trying to sneak a dung bomb under his chair, and him magically moving under theirs; him looking at his own reflection with slight revulsion, Winky telling the worse lies of her life and the feeling of warm laughter; then something I really didn't expect; me at 13 in the hospital ward shouting about Sirius, me in the Quidditch stands cheering on Harry, me in defence against the dark arts in my sixth year, but most shocking of all, me as a 12 year old student stealing from his store room. I exit his mind abruptly and stand in front of the door totally astounded. "You knew." I breathe "You knew, and you didn't say anything, and you were…you were watching me?" I struggle with the concept that the man I've been secretly lusting after, for the past week has been studying me since I started at Hogwarts. "Explain yourself!" I demand, lifting the jinx off him. To my utter amazement he gets off the bed and just stands there looking away from me. I'm speechless, my brain seems to be operating in tunnel vision. I mean what, in the name of Merlin's pants, was that all about? I'm still waiting for my explanation but he's just standing looking away. Then it suddenly dawns on me. He's embarrassed. For the first time in his life he actually doesn't know what to do. And he isn't insulting me or shouting at me, he's just staring at the wall. And whilst I stand there in my stunned silence, he simply gets his coat and leaves.

ooo000ooo

"Severus?" I breathe. I had no idea. I really can't believe it. And I'm acting like I don't know what to do! Come on Hermione, you've just found out that the man you like has liked you too, apparently for a long time and you're just standing there like a moron?! I pick up his wand, which was still on the floor, pull a robe over my pyjamas and begin my barefooted dash after him. Running down the hall I realise just how late into the night we must be, but to be honest that's not really high on my list of priorities right now I can just enervate myself later. "Ow!" Somehow I've managed to stub my big toe on a flag stone in the corridor and I fall. However to my dismay I find that I was not just in any bit of the corridor. Murphy's law (the same law that decides that toast lands butter side down, or that you'll only find what you're looking for when you don't need it), has now decided that I must fall, at the top of a staircase. Mercifully it's only one flight so I have a small cut over my right eye, and probably some bruising on my hands and knees but still, I need to talk to Severus. I whiz around the corner into the dungeons corridor and I find that I can't remember where his office is. 'O.k.' I walk slowly into the potions classroom that I'm used to and try and remember what I did last night. 'I was in here;' I think to myself, 'then I walked out of the door,' which I do 'I turned left, and followed the corridor to the end.' Sure enough I find my self in front of the door which only one night previous, I was threatening to cremate. "Open up." I say and stretch out my hand towards the door knock. Then to my shock the face on the door knock says

"What is the magic word?" This is obviously a new trick designed to keep me out, thanks Severus, it means a lot.

"Please." Is my instantaneous reply. Nothing. The door is being defiant again. Right I've cracked Snape's games before I can do it again.

"Open up." I repeat.

"What is the magic word?" is it's monotonous reply.

"Abracadabra." I answer derisively. The door swings open and I hastily walk inside.

ooo000ooo

I can't see anyone in the living room "Severus?" I call. Going into the bedroom I see him sitting on a chair looking out of the window.

"You…um…you dropped this." I say and hold out his wand.

"I'm sorry." he says simply, taking it from me.

"Don't be." I reply looking at his worried face "For anything." It's slightly weird that he has been watching me for so long, but I like him I really do. And I suppose I want to be wanted. I'm not sure if it will last, or if I want it to last; and although it my hurt to try, I think it might just be worth it. He looks at me like he's just woken up.

Your hurt, how did that happen?" He asks looking a bit puzzled.

"I was run-" I correct myself in a vain attempt to sound less concerned.. "_walking_ after you because you left your wand, and I accidentally fell down the stairs." I'm out of breath from all the running, and my general appearance is of someone who has been dragged through the proverbial hedge backwards, and then assaulted by a bunch of Blast-ended Skrewts. The likelihood that he believes me is highly unlikely, however one must try. As I sit on the end of his bed I feel myself redden.

"Well then you should try and be more careful the next time you go run-walking, shouldn't you? Well Hermione it seems for all you reading, research and learning, apparently in the 22 years you've inconvenienced the world with your presence, the concept of footwear as a whole still eludes you" he smirks at my bare feet.

"That's the sarcastic bastard I know." I grin.

"You should go to Poppy and get yourself healed." He rises from his seat.

"It's alright, it's just a scratch." I dismiss him. But to no avail.

"Fine." He casts a healing charm on the cut above my eye. Seriously has he been taking some sort of emotion pill, this sort of openness is not normal. Oh gods he's standing over me, and the chill in my spine has returned. Deciding it is best that I move away, I take the chair that he was sitting on before me. "Why do you always move away?" he asks.

"Why don't you?" I counter.

"Because conversations are generally better with another person involved, because women who take an interest in me are a rarity, because women I take an interest in are rarer still." he says.

"I moved away," I answer his question and begin to walk towards him "because when we are close I worried that things may have gotten out of hand." I feel complimented by him, scared of myself and excited about what I can see is unfolding.

"You used past tense." he says as we're almost face to face.

"I know." I reply. Apparently that seems to have done it for him, because he's kissing me again. And I'm kissing him back.

"Hermione." he says breathing heavily. "Is this what you actually want?" I kiss him back as proof. "And you know where this is going to go tonight?" Another kiss, although I'm far redder in the face from that question.

"But first things first Severus." I laugh. And he looks slightly confused, best put him out of his misery. "Scourgify!" I shout pointing my wand at his hair, which instantly begins to lather.

"You'll pay for that." he smirks and pushes me onto the bed.


	11. The Blind Leading The Blind

**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs.**

**The Know-All Queen**

_**The Blind Leading The Blind**_

Shit, shit, SHIT! I'm sitting on the end of a bed, about to have sex for the first time ever. And it's with Severus. Oh sweet Merlin's pants, this is scary, exciting and weird all at once. He moves on to the bed and I gulp, and in my nervous gulping, I begin to choke on my own saliva. In one word it is an utter disaster. As I begin coughing Severus snakes one arm round my waist whilst his other starts tracing trails over my neck. Sensual and slightly erotic as it is it doesn't do anything to stop me from choking I begin whacking my chest with my fist, it's terribly unattractive but it relives some pressure from not being able to breathe. The choking stops and Severus has now slipped a hand up my teaching robe and started massaging my back, I don't know if it is his late response to me gagging, or if he just wants a quick shag, either way on the whole it is rather pleasant. He slips my robe off, and I'm back to the pyjamas that I really wish were a lot sexier right now. He carries on massaging my back and starts kissing my neck. Ah, that's nice. Slowly a hand slides its way around to my front and through the side of my pyjama top. Dear God, that's good. I lean into him and the free hand that was around my waist is now sliding down the straps of my top.

"You really are very beautiful Hermione." He murmurs and begins to nibble on my earlobe.

I try to answer with something along the lines of: 'and you really are very sexy', instead I open my mouth and produce a sighing, squealing noise; as though somebody has let the air out of a tire. This doesn't appear to dissuade him as he speeds up the tempo of his hands on my breasts, which makes me breathe and moan quite rapidly, I'm beginning to feel like a wanton hussy. My hands are trying to find something to lean on and I find something either side of my hips that feels very comfy, I think it's his legs. The hissing noise Severus makes tells me I'm right, and he presses himself further into my back. Oh my word! I can feel…_him_ digging into the base of my spine. And now I'm back to fear. I'm totally tense and his shirt cuffs are tickling my breasts, this worsens the situation as I begin hysterically laughing like some sort of lunatic.

"Your…shirt… the cuffs…" is all I manage to say between giggles. And I can't stop laughing as I'm overly sensitive and racked with nerves

"You're right; I am wearing far too many clothes." As he begins to work on his many buttons he places light kisses up and down my spine. This relaxes me somewhat, and I bravely start teasing a finger up his inner thigh not going too far though, I'm not quite sure what to do when I get…_there_. Best to leave it be for the time being. He's still kissing my back, which is still nice but just how many bloody buttons does one shirt need?

"Twenty three." he answers slightly amused. Bugger, I really need to keep my mouth shut and keep my thoughts to myself, otherwise I'll be spilling out all sorts of awkward phrases like "Did _any_ other women like it when you did this?", or "Is it supposed to look like _that_?" Oh good the shirt is off, he leans me into him again, and his chest feels really warm against my back. He lifts my top over my head and I begin to feel quite exposed. The only time anyone else has seen my bare chest, nipples and all, is when they bore the title Medi-witch. Severus then removes himself from my back and gently lays me down on his bed. I look up at him and I see his bare chest and shoulders. He's broader than he appears but his chest bears no muscles to speak of, but thankfully there is no chest hair either. He is thin but not skinny, and he has one remnant of a silvery scar; stretching from a little below his left shoulder, to about two inches below his right nipple. As I look up at his face he appears to be confused.

"Is there something wrong Severus?" I ask feeling slightly ridiculous, as I'm lying topless on his bed and he is slouching next to me also half naked and as I've just noticed, his hair is still lathering. I feel like I've entered the twilight zone.

"You're not leaving?" Severus looks quite bewildered and concerned, for some reason, even though it's me he expects to leave. I'm totally embarrassed and slightly insulted, maybe he thought I was beautiful before, but on seeing my full half-nakedness he's decided it's not worth carrying on.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, biting back the tears. "I'll leave now." I start gathering up my things, but his hand grips my arm lightly.

"That's not what I meant; I thought that you would find me ugly. Women tend to do that a lot, I only ever get so far, and then they up and leave."

"I've thought you were attractive when I was fourteen." I blush. 'Yes,' I add in my mind 'and in this week I've discovered lust, it's an interesting combination: lust and desire'.

"I thought you were attractive since you started dating Weasley." And for a moment we both look at each other, wondering why we didn't mention it before.

"Your hair's not foaming anymore." I say stupidly. He pulls me into a tight hug.

"You're _so_ romantic Hermione." I laugh at his sarcastic reply, albeit slightly hysterically. He laughs a deep haunting and slightly eerie laugh at my nervous hysterics. We start to kiss and move backwards towards the bed. Once back on the bed my face flushes completely red as I start to undo his belt buckle. I manage to remove it without too much fuss and all of a sudden, as I reach for the top button on his pants he shakes his head at me. For god's sake, if I keep doing things wrong, we're still going to be here next week. He's looking at me very intensely as he says "Hermione tonight will be about you…mostly." he grins "I know you probably aren't going to enjoy it too much, but I promise you, I will try to please you as best I can." Thanks Severus now I really am unnerved about having sex with you! But in a way I suppose you're right, best to leave it to fate I suppose.

He starts placing light kisses all over my breast and it feels really good, and I mean really. One hand resumes the massage on my other breast, and his other hand props himself up. I begin to tense as the hand that's massaging my breast starts to trail down to my stomach, and then fingers the rim of my pyjama bottoms. He stops kissing my chest, places a hand on my cheek and looks directly at me.

"I will not hurt you Hermione, do you understand? I assure you, this means as much to me as it does to you." he says sternly.

"I'm just-it's my first time so I'm still a bit nervous." I murmur, as look down towards the hand he is leaning on.

"I know, but it is only my third, and I have not been…intimate with anyone for quite some time. So you will excuse me if I'm a little off." he smiles. To be honest it is one of the first times I have ever seen him smile, not smirk or grin, but truly and openly smiling. However this being his first in a long time, and my actual first time it is little bit of the blind leading the blind. Feels bloody fantastic but I need to tell him, warn him…

"Severus, I need to…I'm not…I haven't…" I squeeze between gasps, I'm panting like I've just run a ruddy marathon. "I've got," my voice lowers to a whisper as though the whole school can hear me "_down there hair_."

"Hermione, I would be a little concerned if you didn't. Besides, I already think you are beautiful. No more talking let's just see what happens shall we." And with that he slides his hand inside my underwear and his middle finger brushes my clitoris. I arch my back as suddenly, nothing else matters. I need an orgasm and come hell or high water, he's going to give me one. He slowly moves his hand downwards a little further and cautiously places one of his fingers inside me, and begins to slide it in and out.

"BLOODY HELL, SEVERUS!" I shout. Didn't mean to do that, but that feels fucking amazing. Spurred on my by outburst, he slowly adds another finger. That's it I can't handle it any more if I don't reach and orgasm I'm going to explode. He starts placing gentle kisses across my chest again, and I begin to feel like tiny red hot needles are pricking me all over. I'm back to hissing, squealing noises again, another finger is placed inside me and he begins to trace lazy circles over my nipples, with his tongue. That's it. That's done it. A loud sound like a strangled squealrushes out of my mouth, and I find my release. And although it was rather quick, although I feel a bit embarrassed, that was bloody amazing. My whole body goes limp, and as I'm lying on his bed still half naked in all of my sweaty glory, Severus just smiles at me.

"So, was it as good as it sounded?" he grins.

"It'll do." I laugh.

"Oh by the way, I thought you said this would be your first time?" he asks.

"It is!" I argue, and I'm a little hurt that he thinks I would lie about it.

"But there was," he pauses, trying to find the right words "nothing to hinder me." He's right, there wasn't. I think about it for a minute.

"Well only eighty percent of women have a hymen, so I'm apparently one of the lucky few."

"Like I said, so romantic." he says, voice dripping with sarcasm. "But not to worry. I am far from finished with you for tonight." his eyes have darkened and they're looking directly into mine. I know what he means by it, but I don't know if it's a promise or a threat.

He moves to kiss me again, and I first I am a bit hesitant. But I want this. I have wanted this for a while, I don't know where we'll end up, but for now this is…right. I kiss him back in a rather heated manner and it all happens in a flurry of clothes. I'm fumbling with the button on his pants and, simultaneously, he's pushing down my shorts and knickers. It's a bit like a military operation, but eventually we are both naked. He's back to kissing me and I feel something that definitely worries me pressing into my stomach. It's like walking on the high wire, or abseiling down a cliff, you know you shouldn't look down but you can't help yourself. Oh shit. It is possibly the singularly, most amusing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It takes everything I have to contain myself from laughing out loud. It feels like an unusual mix of hard, but squishy. From no other reason of curiosity I find myself gripping it. Severus makes a short sharp 'ah' noise and I know it's alright. Ok time to figure out how to make it feel good for Severus. Sex is when, that…thing moves in and out of a woman. So logically I must simulate this with my hand. As if sex isn't complicated enough, I have to fathom how men pleasure themselves. Great. Tentatively I begin moving my hand up and down and Severus begins to mumble 'oh god's, 'Hermione's', and a vast multitude of curse words into my ear. Obviously I'm not doing to badly. Suddenly he swipes my hand away and pins me to the bed.

"Enough!" he barks. Then with one sharp movement he pushes himself into me. It hurts a little, and feels a bit uncomfortable, but it is a necessary evil. He starts moving in and out of me and to be fair in doesn't feel bad. That being said it doesn't feel great either. Well at any rate it wasn't as good as last time, slowly but surely, it begins to feel better and better. I feel another orgasm begin to build up, then with a cry Severus orgasms. His head drops on to the crook of my neck, his wet hair is splayed around my shoulder and I'm left wondering what to do.

"Did you…?" He gasps.

"Not quite, almost." I mumble.

"Well then." he replies. I am about to ask well then what, and he begins thrusting in and out of me again. I'm back to the hot needle sensation, and I can tell this is taking the last of his strength. He shuffles a little, and with a grunt and a final finger rubbing my clitoris I reach an orgasm for the second time in one night. He rolls to the side of me and draws me into a hug.

"That…was amazing." I gasp "I wouldn't mind doing that again., how about you?" I smile. I look over to my shoulder where I can feel his head, and discover he is asleep. "Good point" I think to myself and join him in a deep satisfied slumber.

* * *

Phew! Sorry it took so long but this was really difficult to write, my first adult scene, so I hope it doesn't read as such. As always your thoughts are greatly appreciated (especially if you tell me what they are,) and yes the interesting fact about the hymen is true! Anyway I digress, loves and hugs to all x x x x 


	12. The Morning After the Night Before

-1**The Half Blood Prince**

**Vs**

**The Know-All Queen**

_**The Morning After the Night Before**_

I wake up and discover that I'm naked in a bed that isn't mine and for some reason, my left ear is wet. I shimmy away a little; the left arm draped around my waist tries to stop me but I manage to escape. As I turn around, I look at the sleeping Severus Snape whose nose is apparently itchy, and who is drooling in his sleep. That would explain why my ear was wet and an itch would be the reason his nose keeps twitching. I lean over and lightly flick his nose with my index finger; this causes it to twitch even more. A quiet snort of laughter escapes my lips and I decide it's time to get out of bed. I pull on my underwear and, more out of ownership than anything else, I put on his shirt. Normally a woman is supposed to look kind of sexy in a man's shirt, however this is Severus Snape's shirt. This shirt has frills on the cuffs, and a wide collar. To be frank, I look like a half dressed Jane Eyre.

I check each room in turn and eventually stumble across (or in my blurry eyed state, into) the kitchen. I would make tea but all I can find is Earl Grey, and I don't like coffee. Actually it's not hard to find anything in his kitchen cupboards; everything is organised in labelled bottles displayed in alpha-alpha. It's a little disturbing. I settle on pumpkin juice, which I find in his fridge, (its contents are also labelled, which I'm wishing wasn't the case as this includes the goat's stomach.) I take two tumblers in to the bedroom on a tray. I climb back into bed and shake him lightly to wake him up.

"Severus?" I murmur. "Severus, wake up."

"Piss off," is his reply.

Well, I'm a little offended and a little amused by his reaction. Clearly he is not a morning person. I kiss him on the shoulder.

"Severus, I'm half dressed, holding a drink, and would actually consider repeating the previous night's events on a regular basis, so I suggest you wake up." I try to purr and end up sounding like I have a sore throat, but I think he gets the drift. I see one dark eye taking a sneak peek of me to see if I'm telling the truth, then snaps back shut.

"I might wake up if you were a little more undressed." A smirk spreads across his face.

"If I were a little more undressed you would need to be awake to tell the difference." I laugh. "Just get up, you lazy arsed git."

He props himself up on the pillow next to mine. I hand him his drink.

"Grateful as I am, why not coffee?" he takes a sip and make and 'mmm' noise to reassure me that he is indeed grateful.

"It smells funny," I reply with a slight frown. It just doesn't have the same magic as a cup of tea. I take after my mum that way I suppose. Mum was always a great believer in tea, 'You're not well? Here have a nice cup of tea…' or 'He'll be back, love, don't worry. Have some tea…' If aliens invaded and declared war on earth, Mum would probably try to resolve it with 'Milk and sugar?'.

"How about some tea then?" he says, then realising what he said, takes another large swig followed by an equally large 'mmm'.

"Earl Grey is not tea, it's perfume." I abhor Earl Grey tea; it tastes horrible, it's like sucking flowers. "Next time you can just do it yourself," I huff.

"Next time? That is a very good idea indeed." He places his drink down on his mahogany bedside table, and begins to snuggle in to me.

"Yes, next time is a good idea." I prise one arm off me. "Next time," I repeat, "not this time." I get out of the bed and find his bathroom. "I'm going for a shower. I won't be long," I declare.

I actually spend longer in the shower than I intend to. However, eventually I step out of his shower and begin looking for a towel. On a towel rail next to the sink I find three different sized, royal blue towels hanging over the rail in size order. This man is just far too organised! I pick up the largest one and wrap it around my body giving me the effect that I'm wearing a dress. I then get the middle sized towel so I can wrap it around my hair. _'Come on Hermione, today's the day!'_ I have been awful at wrapping my hair up in to towel ever since I came to Hogwarts as a student, and it is the one thing I have yet to improve on. I CAN do this, just wrap, (I draw the towel over my head and around my hair) twist, (I twist it tightly around my hair and hold it at the bottom) and flick! I jerk my head up so fast I let go of the towel, (which has already reversed stage two) and it flies off my head and hits the small shelf in between the sink and the shower, and sends various labelled bottles plummeting to the floor. I then hear the sound I've been dreading. SMASH! Severus bursts into the room.

"What the bloody hell is- Hermione, your foot is bleeding!"

I look down. "So it is!" I agree. _'__So would yours if it had a ruddy big chunk of glass in it!__'_ I think to myself. Although as I begin to study the true depth of my injuries I notice I am bleeding rather profusely. Severus then wraps a towel around the protruding glass and as he dashes off I hear him say something about "Murtlap essence" and "lavender oil". I'm beginning to feel rather faint. Looking at my foot doesn't seem to help, so I try the only thing I know to keep my mind of my bleeding foot.

"Eye spy, with my little eye…" 'Not Severus' my slightly panicking inner thought says. Oh to hell with it; I decide that surely it can't be that bad. I gingerly unwrap the towel from around the glass and take a look. Right then, I do seem to be bleeding quite a bit. Then I notice the glass has residual fluids on it, from whatever was previously in it before gravity and I intervened. This could be bad, depending on what was in that bottle; potentially dangerous fluids could be poisoning me. Armed with a towel in one hand and nerves of steel, (steel that has been pulled and heated and contorted, until it has the same consistency as treacle that is) with my other hand I pull the piece of glass out of my foot. This is then added to my still growing list of 'things never to be done ever again, even if you life depends on it it's such a bad idea', as blood is now flowing so freely from my foot, I find myself sitting in an increasing pool of my own blood. The towel is soaked in blood and the floor isn't in a much better state, Severus is still not back and I'm beginning to feel more light headed than before. My eyes begin to slip shut and just before my head hits the floor I see a blurry, black robed figure moving towards me with an out stretched hand. Apparently death has come to claim my soul, so with my last ounce of strength I speak my last conscious thought, "No! Not yet, it's not…it's not that…bad…" I manage just before I'm engulfed my a warm fuzzy blackness that smells like clean.

* * *

Right, I know it's been a long time coming but I have been so busy over the christmas period, that I simply didn't have the time to work on it properly. Anyways it's here now and I hope you like it, loves and hugs to all x x x x 


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